Overweight Cat

14 Signs That Your Cat is Overweight:

14. Cat door retrofitted with garage door opener.

13. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.

12. Always lands on her spleen.

11. Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.

10. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.

9. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheez Whiz.

8. Catfood dish replaced with trough.

7. Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester trouser suit.

6. It's no longer safe to lift her without a wheel barrow.

5. "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.

4. Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.

3. She only catches mice that get trapped in her gravitational pull.

2. Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.

And the Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Overweight...

1. Has more chins than lives.