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New Year's Resolutions for Pets
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Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
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I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
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Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
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Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
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Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
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Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my butt.
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Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
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Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
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January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
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I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
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