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You just might be a Scrooge...
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If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
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If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
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If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
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If your favorite version of "A Christmas Carol" stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton.
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If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson.
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If your favorite version of "The Nutcracker" stars Andrew Golata.
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If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night.
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If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
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If your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
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If your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.
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If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
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If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie.
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If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
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If you use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
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If your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson.
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If your favorite pasttime is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn charicatures with egg nog.
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And, finally - if your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.
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