10 Rules of Wedlock
Courtesy of Prentiss F.
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children." Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time."
RULE 1
- Marriages are made in heaven.
- But so are thunder and lightning.
RULE 2
- If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
RULE 3
- Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
RULE 4
- Married life is very frustrating.
- In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
- In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
- In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
RULE 5
- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
RULE 6
- Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
RULE 7
- Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
- After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
RULE 8
- Every man wants a wife, who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
- But the law allows only one wife.
RULE 9
- Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
- That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.
RULE 10
- A man is incomplete until he is married.
- After that, he is finished....
BONUS RULE STORY
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish too.
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled and said, "Hey!...This thing really works!"
