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Signs of Growing Up
Courtesy of David R.
- All of your favorite movies are now revised in color.
- An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
- At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
- The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style...come back in style.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
- "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- The gray-haired person you help across the street is your spouse.
- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
- It takes too much effort to procrastinate.
- The kids leave one by one, only to return two by two.
- Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.
- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
- One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
- A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
- Someone compliments you on your layered look...and you're wearing a bikini.
- The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."
- When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
- When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.
- Work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
- You can do just as much as ever; but would rather not.
- You choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
- You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
- You discover the words, "whippersnapper," and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.
- You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You find this list tasteless and insensitive.
- You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
- You go to a garden party and you're mainly interested in the garden.
- You have trouble remembering simple words like...
- You keep repeating yourself.
- You know it all, you just can't remember it all at once!
- You keep repeating yourself.
- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
- You keep repeating yourself.
- You look both ways before crossing a room.
- You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.
- You make it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.
- You notice they're making adults much younger - when did they decide to let kids become policemen?
- You realize that aging is not for wimps.
- You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.
- You refer to your $2500 stereo system as "the Hi-Fi."
- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
- You smile all the time because you can't hear a thing others are saying.
- You start beating everyone else at trivia games.
- You start video-taping daytime game shows.
- You still have a photographic memory but it no longer offers same day service.
- You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.
- You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
- Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.
- Your lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "pick one, I can't do both!"
- You're a walking storeroom of facts...you've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
- You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.
- You're good at opening childproof caps - with a hammer.
- You're not grouchy, you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things you can't remember.
- You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.
- You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
- You're sure everything you can't find is in a secure place.
- You're the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
- You're usually interested in going home before you get where you're going.
- You're very good at telling stories - over and over and over and over...
- You're well cared for - long term care, eye care, private care, dental care, Medicare.
- You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
- You've met so many people that everyone you meet reminds you of someone else.
- You've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...you just can't remember it all.
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