Over the Hill

Courtesy of David R.

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

5. You tune into the easy listening station on purpose.

6. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large in that order.

7. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

8. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

9. You start video taping daytime game shows.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar - a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often lead to "dueling ailments."

17. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

18. You discover the words "whipper snapper, scalawag, and by crikey" creeping into your vocabulary.

19. You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

20. You begin every other sentence with "Nowadays.."

21. You run out of breath walking down a flight of stairs.

22. You look both ways before crossing a room.

23. Your social security number only has three digits.

24. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

25. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

26. You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.

27. The waiter asks how you'd like your steak and you say "pureed."

28. At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.

29. You start beating everyone else at trivia games.

30. You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread used to cost.

31. Your back goes out more than you do.

32. Cafeteria food starts tasting good.

33. You refer to your $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi."

34. You make it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.

35. You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

36. Most of your childhood toys are now in a museum.

37. Most of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

38. The clothes you've put away until they come back in style have come back in style.

39. All of your favorite movies are now revised in color.

40. The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

41. You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head.

42. You wear black socks with sandals.

43. You take a metal detector to the beach.

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