A Letter to Jesse James

Dear Jesse,

You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock?

How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world; she has a body to die for, and her current wealth and predicted wealth is shadowed only by Oprah, who even Steadman will tell you, isn't attractive.

But your wife, who recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now the named "America 's Sweetheart"; you also remember she just won an Oscar (which translates to more money per picture she makes in the future)...while you were shacking with that tattooed freak from outer space, who just happens to be a former stripper and is someone's ugly-assed mommy.

You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated asshole cheater on the planet! And while the State of California is a no-fault state whereby you may be able to take half of your wife's wealth, in doing so you would only be hated even more... especially after Sandra's speech during the Oscars in which she did nothing but praise you. How can you live with yourself after she even cared for your children?

I only have one thing to say to a despicable, miserable, cheating piece of shit like you:

Thank You!!

You really helped to take the heat off of me. Lets do lunch sometime and compare notes.

Tiger Woods