Evaluations
Courtesy of Prentiss F.
Feel free to use these next time you are asked for "input" on a
co-worker's evaluation.
For everyone who has ever had an evaluation--just remember, it could
have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government
employee performance evaluations:
- "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
started to dig."
- "I would not allow this employee to breed."
- "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."
- "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap."
- "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change
feet."
- "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
- "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
- "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
- "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
better."
- "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."
- "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
- "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
- "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
- "He's been working with glue too much."
- "He would argue with a signpost."
- "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
- "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
- "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other
one."
- "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
- "A prime candidate for natural DE-selection."
- "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
- "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
- "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out
looking for it."
- "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
week."
- "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change"
- "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
- "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
- "One neuron short of a synapse."
- "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
- "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
- "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
- "Got into the gene pool when the Lifeguard wasn't looking.
