June 30, 2005

Logan Darrow Clements, a businessman and former candidate for Governor of California, has decided to give US Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter a taste of his own medicine following the Court's Kelo v. City of New London, Conn., decision (5-4).

The ruling paved the way for the City of New London, CT, to condemn homes and businesses owned by holdouts in a waterfront area for the construction of condos, a hotel and commercial areas. The Court ruled that this was permitted under the the eminent domain clause in the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution because the development would provide economic benefits to the area and more tax revenue to the city.

Clements, citing the same economic and tax benefits, has started the application process to build a hotel on the property where Justice Souter's residence is currently located, in Weare, NH. The property would be seized to build The Lost Liberty Hotel which would include the Just Desserts Cafe, a museum and exhibits. In place of a Gideon's Bible, guests would recieve a free copy of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. It would require a positive vote from at least three of the five officials on the Town's Board of Selectmen to use the power of eminent domain to confiscate the Justice's property.

When asked why he wasn't going after the other Justices' property who voted in the majority, Clements indicated that The Lost Liberty Hotel might well become a chain.

Mr. Clements is CEO of Freestar Media, LLC. (compiled from search engine results)

June 29, 2005

An overweight burglar evidently indulged a little too much after breaking into a Romanian pie shop and became stuck in a window while trying to make his escape. The shop owner arrived the next morning to find pie wrappers on the floor and two stubby legs sticking out of the window. Vasile Mandache did not notify police until calling in friends to witness the humorous spectacle. (Herald Sun - AU)

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A couple of Russian soldiers stationed near Yekaterinburg, Siberia, made an unauthorized vodka run in an armored personnel carrier, but didn't quite make it back to base. The two apparently became quickly intoxicated during the 40km (25mi) return trip and crashed into a used car showroom, taking out several vehicles. Must have been a policeman's nightmare to apprehend drunk soldiers in an armored vehicle. (Herald Sun - AU)

June 24, 2005

Think you've heard it all? Not Yet. The Justice Ministry in Ireland has drafted new rules for prisoners in jail. They will no longer be allowed to have servants, or have food and alcohol delivered to them. Oh yeah, and having private furniture and bedding is also on the way out. The existing prison rules date back to 1947. The prisoners are suing.....(The Australian)

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Tuesday, a 25 foot high 17.5 ton popisicle melted and flooded Union Square in downtown Manhattan. Snapple intended to have the sicle on display to promote new products but the frozen treat expired prematurely. Firefighters had to wash away the residue while bystanders stood on high ground. (Fox News - AP)

June 22, 2005

Farmers protested outside the British Parliament Monday wanting the term couch patato removed from the Oxford English Dictionary. The British Patato Council believes the term implies that patatoes are bad for you and suggested that couch slouch be used instead. (Herald Sun - AU)

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In other food news, rich food now has a whole new meaning. The Kim Ngan Ngu Thien, or Golden Feast, restaurant in Hanoi, Vietnam, has been ordered to quit mixing gold in its cuisine. Authorities wish to test the purity of the gold and determine if any health risks are involved. The owner of the establishment claims to only use the purest form. The communists seem to be eating well these days..... (Herald Sun - AU)

June 21, 2005

If you ever thought you had a rough night in bed.... A man in Pine Bluff, AR (US) was snoring away peacefully when a car flew into his house and landed on top of him in bed. The driver of the car had fallen asleep at the wheel. Before flying into the house, the car also clipped a telephone pole and ruptured a gas main, which luckily didn't ignite. The sleeping man was listed in serious but stable condition at a local hospital. (Netscape News: Link RIP)

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An entrepreneur in Tasmania, Australia, is coming out with a new doggy treat called Hemp Hound Hors d'oeuvres, made out of, you guessed it, pot seeds. Health benefits include a shiny coat and stronger teeth and nails. THC content is said to be insignificant. Agriculture officials have been trying to find a replacement crop for patatoes after McDonalds drastically reduced its purchases from a local grower. (The Australian)

June 16, 2005

Just ran across a great website which is actually just one long story, and perhaps a tall one. It's called the Rocket Car Story. This legend has been circulating from time to time since B.I. (before Internet). It takes place in the desert Southwest USA around 1978 and has four main characters, young guys not long out of High School. Sure brings back the days of drinking beer and brainstorming, except these guys actually did something (maybe). The story is very entertaining, but quite long, and I suggest printing it out so as to not risk Carpal Tunnel syndrome. Next time that you have a few extra hours give it a read: Rocket Car Story

And speaking of fast cars, check out the new Drag Strip game in the Fun and Games department. Did a 10 second 1/4 myself, see what you can do.

June 15, 2005

On a road near Berlin a motorcylcist was clocked going 250kph (155mph) on film by German authorities. The biker was not apprehended, however, as motorcycles are not required to have front license plates which are used to track down offenders caught on camera. The anonymous rider set un unofficial record for speeding in the country. (The Australian) For a humorous story about a speeding motorcycle see Banzai Squirrel.

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Meanwhile, in Indonesia over the weekend, the President of the country decided that he wanted to be "closer to his people" and publicized his cell phone number. Needless to say, thousands tried to call, crashing the phone line. No mention was made as to what combination of drugs and/or alcohol was responsible for this "epiphany". (The Australian)

June 12, 2005

Well, Big Nanny, every once in a while, "shoots itself in the foot". Two Amherst, MA (USA) eighth grade students spent seven months gathering evidence that BB guns could be dangerous for their entry in a state science fair project. By the time the Fair rolled around the organizers would not allow their project because "The scientific review committee does not consider science projects involving firearms to be safe for middle school students". Evidently the rules prohibit hazardous substances and devices (the students spent $200 on ballistics gellatin and presumably BB guns). Perhaps the organizers should stick to something less scientific, like spelling bees or poetry contests. (Netscape News: Link RIP)

June 6, 2005

Just found out that the FBI Pizza Story in the "Believe it or Not" section is actually true. Someone found the story on this site using a Google Search, so I did one myself. Included in the results was an entry for snopes.com, the urban legend folks. Their web page states that it actually happened back in 1995. Just goes to show that we publish "the whole truth, and nothing but the truth". Now, about that oceanfront property in Arizona....

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Know anyone that likes to toss their cell phone when angry? Turns out there's a mobile phone throwing contest that you can enter them in that takes place later this month in Germany. Finland (home of Nokia) hosts the World Championship in August. The World record is currently 82.55 meters (90.28 yards). (The Australian).

June 3, 2005

Here's your first chance to sign up for the brand new humoretcetera.com newsletter!! Volume 1, Number 1, should be hitting cyberspace by July, so sign up now:

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Got an annoying kid, spouse, in-law, etcetera? If so, Yamaha has developed quite a home remedy: A soundproof 2.5 square meter (8.2 square feet) wooden box. Named MyRoom, it can be configured with a surround sound system, model train size workbench, or desk. All for a mere $7,000. The article indicates that it should sell well in Japan, where space is at a premium. (The Australian)

June 2, 2005

We go all the way around the world for this story, but it's high time for a humorous military "crisis". An Australian newspaper has reported that British servicemen and women have been ordered to wear underwear when going in to be fitted for their dress uniforms. Evidently lack of undies was embarrassing the tailors, creating the need for a military cover up. (Herald Sun - AU)

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In another nugget from the Melbourne Herald Sun, the parents of a sixteen year old boy are facing charges for having a stripper at his birthday party. The mother said there was nothing wrong with what they did, even grandpa was there. She added that a stripper was nothing to get exited about in their neighbourhood, where prostitution is common. Jeff Foxworthy, where are you?