November 30, 2007

'Beer Hunter' lifts 40,000 pints of Guinness: Guinness's St James's Gate brewery in Dublin has been hit by an audacious raid in which an evidently thirsty man dubbed "the Beer Hunter" made off with 40,000 pints of the famous stout.

According to the Times, the perp simply drove into the brewery yard in his own HGV, hitched it to a "well-provisioned" trailer and drove out again. The total pintage nicked was 360 kegs of Guinness and Budweiser and 90 kegs of Carlsberg, worth a total of £46,000....full story from The Register

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Lottery winner may go to jail: Winning $1 million in the lottery may be the unluckiest thing one Massachusetts man has ever done.

Timothy Elliot may have violated his probation for bank robbery, which stipulates he "may not gamble," or "purchase lottery tickets....full story from the New York Post

November 29, 2007

Chilean hooker plans 27-hour charity sexathon: A Chilean prostitute has caused a bit of a stir by selling 27 hours of rumpy-pumpy in aid of tomorrow's annual TV Teletón campaign for the country's disabled kids.

According to the Santiago Times, big-hearted hooker María Carolina said: "I will work during the time that the program lasts in order to earn money for the children of the Teletón, and then deposit it in the bank. They will be my own 27 hours of love....full story w/pic from The Register

November 28, 2007

US judge debenched for jailing entire courtroom: A US judge who jailed an entire courtroom because no one would cough to being the owner of a ringing mobile phone has been removed from the bench by a commission on judicial conduct.

Judge Robert Restaino, 48, was hearing a domestic violence case in Niagara Falls on 11 March 2005 when he heard the offending phone and "snapped", as the BBC puts it....full story from The Register

November 27, 2007

US woman fingered for Porky Pig drugs outrage: They say your past always catches up with you in the end - something one Sue Jones of Grand Junction, Colorado, can certainly attest.

Jones got a job with grocery store chain City Market, but a background check quickly came back with a "do not hire" flag, as Colorado's 11 News explains. The reason? Multiple charges "including a prior felony for drug possession and a misdemeanor for gambling" - the former involving substance abuse with Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig....full story from The Register

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South Dakota town may change the name of Hooker Street: The town of Whitewood, SD, might change the name of Hooker Street.

The Rev. David Baer is pushing legislators for the change, arguing the name goes against the town's wholesome image....full story from the New York Post

November 23, 2007

Car chasing cat: You've heard of dogs going after cars, but in Ohio, it was a cat that was doing the chasing - a very large cat.

Sheriff's deputies responded to a 911 call of a lion attacking cars on US 23 near Piketon and found a man trying to corral a 55-pound beast back into a cage....full story from the New York Post

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Air France compensates 170kg passenger: Air France has been ordered to compensate a 170kg citizen of the land of liberté, égalité, fraternité after forcing him to stump up for an extra seat on a flight from New Delhi to Paris, AFP reports.

Jean-Jacques Jauffret, 43, described himself as "deeply humiliated" when airline staff intercepted him at New Delhi airport as he was returning from holiday in August 2005, and deployed "wrapping tape" to measure his circumference in front of other passengers....full story from The Register

November 22, 2007

Teens busted while getting permit: Two Massachusetts teens were busted when they applied for a door-to-door sales permit - and cops smelled an odor of marijuana on them....full story from the New York Post

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Korean cyber junkies march off to bootcamp: Tired of its citizens dropping dead forehead to keyboard after marathon online sessions, the South Korean government has decided to follow China's lead with a tough-love approach, the New York Times noted this week.

It recently opened a government-funded, Chinese-style juvenile boot camp, tailored to the special needs of the internet-addicted. The camp seeks to reeducate these wayward souls on the joys to be had by embracing the, uh, reality-based community.

Therapy for these outcasts has been de rigeur up to now, but the government has apparently decided a stronger approach is in order....full story from The Register

November 21, 2007

Iowa house swallowed in grain bin collapse: An Iowa family had a near miss when a collapsing giant grain bin buried their house under "thousands of bushels of corn", destroying the structure and trapping father and son in the wreckage.

According to the Burlington Hawk Eye, the bin in Hillsboro, Henry County, failed structurally on Tuesday night at around 8pm while Jesse and Jennifer Kellet were at home with their two kids. The corn deluge took out the walls of the house and brought down the roof, trapping Jesse and his son Jordan, while his wife and their daughter managed to crawl free....full story from The Register

November 19, 2007

NZ bans Brit immigrant's overweight missus: The wife of a British man who moved out to New Zealand in September will have to shed a few pounds if she wants to join him after the authorities ruled her too fat to enter the country.

According to the Telegraph, rugby-playing Welshman Richie Trezise, 35, was himself initially turned down for a skills visa after his body mass index (BMI) was clocked at 42, or "morbidly obese". The powers that be apparently don't much care for fatties who might be a burden on the health system....full story from The Register

November 18, 2007

Drunk US man asks drunk son to take the wheel: An unnamed Michigan man is facing "a bevy of misdemeanor charges, including child endangerment, allowing an intoxicated person to drive his car, and allowing an unlicensed minor to drive" after asking his 13-year-old son to occupy the driver's seat because he was too sozzled to take the wheel.

The problem was, the lad was drunk too, and in attempting to get home, turned the vehicle into the Clio city park and rolled it off the pavement where it "became stuck in the muddy soil....full story from The Register

November 16, 2007

Fox News: Filthier than the Internet: College geek web aggregator Digg has banned a satircal site that takes aim at Fox News' predilection for broadcasting salacious stories.

Foxnewsporn.com uses clips from the angry channel to suggest that its shoutily conservative stance on political issues is somewhat at odds with the number of stories it airs about such important news beats as beach volleyball and Paris Hilton (ahem)....full story w/video from The Register

November 15, 2007

Sierra Leone launches 'Operation Wash Lunatics': Volunteer youths in Sierra Leone's capital Freetown last week launched "Operation Wash Lunatics" - an attempt to prettify the city's wandering, grubby male nutter population.

According to the local Awareness Times, the initiative kicked off on Saturday on Sani Abacha Street, with a three-phase operation. First up, one group was "tasked with the responsibility to search for all lunatics at various points and bring them to the youths' makeshift headquarters at Abacha Street"....full story from The Register

November 14, 2007

Crime-busting gator kills Florida fugitive: A man who attempted to escape pursuing police by jumping into a Florida hotel's alligator pool was killed by a vigilante reptile, Local 10 reports.

The unnamed perp, along with an accomplice, had apparently been breaking into cars on the Miccosukee Indian Reservation in Miami-Dade County. Miccosukee police, assisted by canine units, duly attended the scene and cuffed one man, while the other legged it....full story from The Register

November 13, 2007

US man blasts stubborn wheelnut with shotgun: A US man has been "severely injured" after blasting a stubborn wheelnut on his Lincoln Continental with a 12-gauge shotgun at an inadvisably close range, the Telegraph reports.

The unnamed 66-year-old, from Southworth in Washington state, had been repairing the vehicle for two weeks and apparently lost his rag with the last bolt on the right rear wheel which refused to budge....full story from The Register

November 8, 2007

Mum sends stripper to teenage son's school: A Nottinghamshire lad had a "birthday to remember" after a stripper turned up at his school, burst into his drama class and proceeded to flaunt herself like a two-buck hussy as shocked teacher and students looked on.

According to the Telegraph, the clothes-shedding strumpet was dispatched to Nottingham's Arnold Hill School and Technology College at the behest of the boy's mum, who also asked his teacher to film the event....full story from The Register

November 7, 2007

Flying cow destroys minivan: A US couple had a lucky escape when a 600lb cow unexpectedly landed on the bonnet of their minivan, unsurprisingly causing "heavy damage".

According to AP, Michigan-based Charles and Linda Everson were visiting the area around Lake Chelan, Washington, to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. On their way back to the hotel near Manson on Sunday, the bovine in question decided to plummet from a 200ft cliff and impact without warning against the vehicle....full story from The Register

November 6, 2007

Florida cops issue shock 'Butthash' warning: Cops from Florida's Collier County have created a bit of a shitstorm stir by declaring that local high school kids are getting high on fermented "fecal matter and urine", known as "Jenkem", or "Butthash"

According to The Smoking Gun, the memo itself - issued by Lieutenant Al Ganich - is real enough, and a shocking read it makes too.

It explains: "The fecal matter and urine are placed in a bottle or jar and covered most commonly with a balloon. The container is then placed in a sunny area for several hours or days until fermented....full story from The Register

November 2, 2007

Satanic car key traps 12 motorists in car park of horror: Stranded motorists in Kent, England, were forced to turn to Ofcom (similar to FCC in US) after a rogue car's central locking system took possession of other vehicles in the same Gravesend car park.

More than 12 cars at the Parrock Street car park in the comfortable yet earthy Medway town decided not to open or start on Tuesday, the Beeb reports.

Apparently this was just the latest in a series of mysterious goings-on in the car park in recent weeks, with cars sounding their alarms spontaneously, refusing to open, or resolutely staying put....full story from The Register