Rotten Day

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night and there aren't any
Your turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city
Your twin forgot your birthday
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize that you don't have a waterbed
Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache
Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
You wake up and your braces are locked together
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business
Your income tax check bounces
Your blind date turns out to be your ex
Your pet rock snaps at you
Your wife says "Good Morning, Bill" and your name is George
You put both contact lenses in the same eye

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