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Zen Sarcasm
Courtesy of Ken G.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not
lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either. In fact, just leave me
the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins
a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if
you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.
- Always remember that you're unique. Just
like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with
both feet.
- If you think nobody cares if you're
alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticize someone, you should
walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you
criticize them, you're a mile away and you have
their shoes.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving
is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a
day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a
boat and drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see
that person again, it was probably worth it.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to
remember anything.
- Some days you're the bug; some days
you're the windshield.
- Everyone seems normal until you get to
know them.
- The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a
light side and a dark side, and it holds the
universe together.
- There are two theories to arguing with
women. Neither one works.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning
much when your lips are moving.
- Experience is something you don't get
until just after you need it.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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