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You Know You're Italian When....
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You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
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Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.
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You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Mustang.
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Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
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You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.
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Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
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You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
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Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
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At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
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All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
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A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professore" among your aunts.
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You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
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If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
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There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
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You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
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At some point in your life, you were a D.J.
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30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.
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You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
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Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
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You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.
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You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.
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Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.
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It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
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Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."
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